My life is an gray void, stretching out before me into eternity. Events pass as faceless blocks, blurs of people, shadows of moments. Joy itself is no longer joyful.
Why? Because I have no Nintendo Wii.
Yes, happiness is as simple as a little white box with motion-sensing, remote control joysticks.
I have scoured electronics stores for a chance to play on one. Most don't even have a demo unit. The ones that do just have it playing a looping video -- I've asked employees if they could go get the remote so I could play, and I've been shut down every time.
So my desire to own one is based simply on buzz. I haven't seen any TV ads. I haven't seen any print ads or even visited the Nintendo website.
Rumor has it that one of my extended, extended family members owns one. I can't believe that's true. That would be like somebody living next-door to Disneyland. (Which, yes, my wife used to do. It's a crazy world we live in.) Even if it were true, killing extended family members for toys is probably not a good option.
Time to get practical. How can I get one?
I've entered a couple contests to win one. They're mostly closed, so I'm mostly a loser as far as this goes. There's another one at Bid4Prizes, who is sponsoring this post and asks that I link to them with the following cryptic keywords: lowest bid.
Contests aside, it seems like I can't even pay money to get one. What sort of madness is the Nintendo Wii?
And why does it haunt my soul?