I just got off the phone with "CHS Surveys." The caller was conducting a survey -- I asked for clarification, and was told it was about "a wide range of questions." (You aren't supposed to tell people what the subject of the survey is, or they will be biased, see.)
It quickly became apparent that it was about the oil and natural gas industries. The questions were priceless; I wish I had a phone call recorder. From memory, here are the best two:
1. Would you say the progress the oil and natural gas industries has made in the last five years has been: (a) excellent (b) very good (c) somewhat good (d) fair or (e) poor?
Do you see what's wrong with this range of answers? And I hadn't previously stated that I felt the oil-and-natural-gas industries had made any progress at all over the last five years.
2. Would you say the oil and natural gas industries are our families, friends, and neighbors?
I don't know which company, exactly, but something about that question just screams "corporate slogan" at me.
In the spirit of this kind of fair-and-balanced questioning, I thought I'd write my own survey questions for you!
1. Would you say I am (a) devastatingly handsome (b) jaw-droppingly attractive (c) pretty darned good-looking (d) above average or (e) kind of funny looking?
2. Would you say I am one of the smartest, kindest, funniest people you've ever had the good fortune to meet, the sort of guy who lights up a room and can be counted on when it really matters?
Feel free to post your answers below. Remember, this is for posterity, so be honest.